This trip to US has once again made me question my expectations of human beings around me. I would love to acknowledge everyone as my friend but past & current experiences has made me place a level between strangers and friends. It is call acquintance. I guess the word exists for a reason.
I've always thought myself as a friendly and easy going person. But I think I've come to a deduction (not conclusive yet) where I may be just a busybody? Anyone agrees? If so please let me know.
I seem to have an interest to get to know people and start a friendship, but no one seems to want to get to know me at all?! So what's the problem here? Paul thinks it's my own doing because I put myself out there to be hurt. How I came to this deduction is that when I meet new people, I would usually try and make an effort to get to know the person better. May it be talking on the phone, asking them to go shopping or for coffee...ultimately it's spending time with a person/a group of people to get to know them better. So this is what I've been doing... but when it comes to people wanting to get to know me... I do not think that's happening. Cos, people are not calling me or asking me to go out. They are probably getting to know the rest of the world, except me. I may be overtly sensentive, but hey... it still hurts.
You tell me, am I that boring and so difficult to be with? That even my partner is not attracted to me either!!! (the last comment may not be true but it is how I am feeling now)
So, it seems that I'm the one who is constantly going around, asking people if they want to do this, or do that; go here or go there. Practically planning the week of activities and involving everyone in the circle. But when others are planning, I am never the 1st person that came into their mind, in fact I'm never in their mind! I've heard excuses like, "I thought you might be busy so I didn't call" or "It was a last minute decision".
I am feeling very shitty here... and frankly I know it is not the most serious thing happening in the world... but I guess when there isn't much happening here, that makes it priority! To me at least.
I've encountered the same situation last trip and I've attributed it to Paul being unpopular among the Sporeans here. I hope this is not the same case again. Cos I don't have an undergraduate degree to keep my mind off these heart wrenching maggots!
Phew... I think I feel much better. All the anger is out... and I'm off to cook dinner for my darling. It's Wanton soup with rice today... yummy...
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2 comments:
My dear,
I think what u are feeling is absolutely normal esp since u are so far away from home. I can & dare say that i know exactly how u feel because after being here for 3 years, i m still in the same "fren-less" state. It is absolutely depressing esp when i m home, i hv a long list of frens to hang out with, or who call to want me to hang out with them.
I guess in a way, i m like u. I like to make frens & get to know ppl better when i meet them. but i gez not everyone is like us... & in a way, we shld be glad... for then we are unique. Dun worry abt being ka-poh etc... as long as u dun get involved in the problems of others, i think it is always ok to lend a listening ear or shoulder to those ard u... that's what makes u a great fren (i think u are one).
& know that u will always hv frens back home. Although u are over 12 hours time difference away from them... u are also only ONE phonecall away. So dun stop toking to those in SG. Hope u will feel better ok... *smiles*
wOow, whO the hell has filled my dearest little princess with sOoo sOoo much anger and frustration and made it sOo wOrthy to fill up a day in her precious blog !?!??! tell me !!! I'll send her/him some hate mail !!! yOu know, eversince you've started this blog, I have been religiously checking in everyday to see what's up and coming in your life...disppointedly, (is there such a word anyway?!?) you made me go hungry for afew days..and when you do actually write stuff...it's just that few liners...sO when i see big chunks of wOrds...i'm ECSTATIC manz..but sadly only to find that you are in negative mode...so i'm in a dilemma...to see words or not to see words...few words..ah..she's fine today...big chunks..opps...is she okay ?!?! err..okay okay I know I'm not getting anywhere with my aimless comments...the whole point of me dropping in is to put a message across to you.."FUCK THEM ALL !! tell them, TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT !!" err..still not getting anywhere ?!? hhehehe okay, here goes, Yes, indeed you are a friendly and easy going person..no doubt about that ...busybody ? hmmnn..no doubt about that as well...hahah okie *kidding* err boring and difficult to be with ?? no doubt about that too !! no no...kidding AGAIN !! *serious mode ON* Whatever you have mentioned in your blog..THOSE ARE YOUR STRENGTHS !!! I repeat and may I STRESSED...THOSE ARE YOUR STRENGTHS...just think..(one minor example)..without you, I tell you..our group would have already 'disbanded' donkey years back...you are our glueing force...why ? because you are kaypoh..beacause you have an interest to get to know the updates of people around you..you have the interest and you DO put in effort to maintain the friendship that you have with everybody...!! SEE !!.. afew points to note though..not everyone possesses this wonderful and special character !! (like your friend 'lizmegumi' has said...that's unique !!) some ppl are just plain shy and incapable of developing new friends...so you can try to be more patient ...give it afew more pushings...and if the problem still persists, I bet they are not even worth your time anymore...just fuck them and be yourself...in life as we moved on and grow older..you will come to realise...you just need afew good friends...the rest are just acquaintances !! so dun read too much into the behaviour...!! well whatever i've spoken here, you probably and most definitely already know and realise..so it's just pointless for me to even attempt to knock sense into you..you don't need it..you know it..i guess you just needed an excuse to fill up the blog right...hahah..nice one...lastly, you are my idol, Daphnie I worship you!! Don't change for nuts !! your are perfect this way...and I appreciate VERY MUCH to still have you as a friend TILL NOW !! and that's ALL because you have this unique trade of yours...!! (think i tok too much ...ZzzZzz time 2 am ..cheers for now)
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